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Let's Talk About Self-Confidence

Let's Talk About Self-Confidence It's Cultured

Although I'm not the most confident person in the world, I am sure of who I want to be and who I have become. Yet, this has not been an easy task to achieve. There is this widespread belief that confidence is something that you either have or you don't and it is something that you cannot learn. I wasn't born into this world as a confident girl but I definitely have learnt how to be confident in myself. And, I disagree thoroughly that it cannot be taught. There are many experiences and situations in life that will challenge us and will challenge our confidence. Something I have learnt in building my self-confidence is that it all comes down to our own mindset. Yes, I am my own worse critic and I am extremely hard on myself at times. Through the process of teaching myself to be confident, I had to accept who I am as a person. That person I had to accept is clumsy, does love to lounge around in her pyjamas, drinks large amounts of coffee and eats a lot of biscuits and pasta.


Over the past few years, I have been undergoing a long journey of becoming more confident and open to the idea of being 100% myself. Life is really too short to be anything other than yourself in an attempt to please others. And believe me, it is extremely cleansing when you realise being yourself is the most beautiful attribute you have. I wanted to share with you some things that have helped me to become more self-confident. So here are some tips...
Let's Talk About Self-Confidence It's Cultured
Let's Talk About Self-Confidence It's Cultured

Accept Your Flaws

As I said, the biggest hurdle I had to face in order to find my confidence was accepting who I am as a person. One of the most hindering factors in building self-confidence is your self esteem. But nobody is perfect and most of the things we wish we could change about ourselves is an issue that nobody else sees. Whether we wish we had bigger boobs, fuller lips, a straighter nose, curly lashes or whatever other flaw you think you need to change, the chances are nobody else sees them. But the most important thing you need to remember to ask yourself is - so what? You were made the way you are and you should never apologise or waste time worrying about your flaws. Learning to accept my unique qualities made me realise it is what makes me, me. And, it is so cleansing and revitalising when you do. 

To overcome accepting my flaws, I have picked up the tip of being my own cheerleader. Instead of listening to that voice, which is my inner critic. I cheer myself on. So congratulate yourself if you have worked hard, tell yourself you're slaying if you manage that wing-liner and compliment yourself daily. This will help you to find your true self and is a major step to being confident inside and on the outside. You are in control of your thoughts, you are in control of the person you express to others and you want that person to be the best version of yourself. You can't change physical flaws but focus on what you have control of, your thoughts. Just do you.

Let's Talk About Self-Confidence It's Cultured Boohoo Accessorize

Put Yourself Out There

A part of finding my self-confidence meant that I needed to put myself out there. The term 'put yourself out there' is purposefully vague because it could mean a variety of different things. One way I put myself out there was through beginning my blog. It has given me so many opportunities and has allowed me to explore my creativity and parts of me that often get lost in the background. Most importantly, my blog has allowed me to explore my interests and invest time in writing about what I love. Through doing something I love, it has grown my faith and confidence in my abilities.

It is forgotten that a lot of your confidence can come from achievements and successfully completing goals. So, set yourself easy and challenging goals and don't forget to congratulate yourself, whether it be to a Starbucks or having a day off from work. When you put yourself out there, you come out of your comfort zone, you take risks and it is so rewarding.

Recondition The Way You Think

One of the most important things I have learnt from my journey of finding my self-confidence is reconditioning the way I thought about my life. In the past when I made a mistake, I use to get all upset and that ultimately would damage my confidence even more. Instead of taking set backs and mistakes negatively, I have now learnt to consider them all positively. One of the most empowering things I have learnt is that I know my own strengths and weaknesses. Instead of just accepting that I am weak at certain things and stronger at others. I have written a list of things that I am good at and a list of things that I know need improvement. From doing this, I can celebrate and develop my strengths and find ways to improve and manage my weaknesses. If you feel that you are your own worst critic too, this is a really good technique for overcoming the inner voice and recognising your own self-worth. Another thing that I needed to work on was reconditioning the way I thought about making a mistake.  Instead of taking my mistakes as negatives, I have taught myself to look at them as learning opportunities. From reconditioning the way I think about my life, my confidence has excelled as I have found ways to overcome allowing things to bring me down and instead uplift me.

Let's Talk About Self-Confidence It's Cultured Boohoo Accessorize

Let's Talk About Self-Confidence It's Cultured Boohoo Accessorize

Accept Compliments and Learn From Criticism

Believe it or not, compliments can be just as hard to accept as criticism. As I said above, one of the most important things I changed to help me find my self-confidence was reconditioning the way I thought about my life, and a part of that meant I needed to change the way I looked at many things. I have always been great at taking criticism as a form of direction and as a learning experience, however, for some reason compliments make me go as red as a tomato in the face. As a consequence, I found that I was arguing with myself, saying confusingly - 'But I'm not embarrassed? I've been complimented, Why am I going red?' To change this habit I had, I have learnt to question when being complimented (obviously not in regards to looks). But, for example, if someone compliments my blog, I will ask 'What exactly do you like?'. Through doing this, I can find out exactly where I'm achieving and celebrate that. 

In opposition to accepting compliments, I reconditioned looking at criticism as something I needed to accept and as something that could actually teach me a lot. Everybody sees the world differently and criticism is just somebody else's opinion. Within reason, I have learnt to listen to criticism and make sure I fully understand what's being said, which ultimately has allowed me to learn and improve with full confidence. Having said that, if the criticism you receive is just spite... then do not accept it, do not learn from it. As I said above, you know your own flaws and you should never allow someone else to control the way you see yourself.

Surround Yourself With Positivity

Last but not least, the only way you can grow and teach yourself to be more self-confident is if you surround yourself with people who embrace you for who you are and who share positivity with you. When you're a twenty-something girl, it is so easy to get sucked into negativity. An important value I have learnt is the more I surround myself with positive people, who have my best interests at heart, the more I grow and the more I can be myself. Ultimately, this has given me more than confidence too. I have learnt to believe in myself. 

"The More You Love Your Decisions, the Less You Need Others to Love them"


So that is how I have learnt to become more confident in myself. Have you got any tips? I'd love to hear them. If you would like to see more from me, make sure you check out my Twitter and Instagram. And to keep up to date with all my latest posts, make sure you follow me on Bloglovin'.

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It's Cultured
It's Cultured.

1 comment

  1. Great post! I love what you said about positive self-talk. A lot of the times, we judge ourselves too harshly. I always talk to myself as if I were talking to a friend I care about. :]

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